Weekend Plans

CRISSY: I shared my plans for the weekend... what's everybody else doing?
JOE: I'm taking my duck for a walk...

JOE: I can show you what Chinese money looks like...
CRISSY: I've already seen it. Thanks, though.
CHRIS: That sounds like a bad pickup line...
JAMES: Wanna see my Chinese money, baby?

Big Boy

JOE: I haven't made it that far yet... I've only been to second base. (somehow, this conversation was related to the MetroLink... how, I don't know)

JOE: See you around, big boy!!
JAMES: (blank stare)
JOE: I say it to all the guys...

The King and I

JOE: They had a menu item called 'Angel of Thailand', and it reminded me of a stripper name. Doesn't it remind you of a stripper name?
KATIE: It reminds me of the song 'Angel of Harlem' by U2.
CRISSY: It reminds me of a racehorse.
JOE: I saw your jeep outside.
KATIE: This is the most disjointed 10 seconds of conversation ever!
JAMES: I have water.
JOE: My roommate would say "I have gas", but I'm not my roommate, and I don't have gas.

JOE: Man, you're wearing a tie?!?! You up-dud me!

CRISSY: I think I have fleas.

JOE: I only got one punch in kindergarten.
CRISSY: I bet you got punched more than that...
JOE: Only by a girl I tried to kiss once... no wait, that was junior kindergarten...

JOE: (in a strange high pitched voice) "Hi Katie, I'm a peacock"... or something.
CRISSY: It's a pink flamingo, you moron.

CRISSY: How do you manage to still talk with your foot in your mouth?
JOE: I stretch a lot.

Dinner at Joe's

JOE: Yeah, if I was born in the 50's or 60's, I would have just called her up and said "Hey, I wanna date you." (Note: "her" being Haley Mills, star of the original 'Parent Trap' movie)
KATIE: Oh, so you would have had balls back then?
JOE: Yeah! I think everyone in the 60's had balls... well, except the girls...


CHRIS: Well, maybe it would work if you eat gazelle...
JOE: I know a girl with the last name Gazelle.
JAMES: Well, do you eat her?

(When asked to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...)
JOE: Super... duh... cali...

KATIE: Their habits went to about mid-calf... (referring to the nuns at my high school)
JOE: Skanks!!!

JOE: See, this is useless information, unless you're looking for jeans... I know a girl named Jean... no wait, she's done.
MATT: Did you cook her?

JOE: So I'm gonna get pregnant now.

JAIME: It all connects.
JOE: Malcolm X???

Pipe Problems

CRISSY: It went down the wrong pipe, that's all.
JOE: I've had that happen before... I had to call a plumber.

Just Do It!

JOE: I'll have to see about a guest... unless you still want to do it with me?
CRISSY: I might go as your date, but I won't do it with you...

Junk in the Trunk

JOE: Why are you checking out my trunk?
CRISSY: I couldn't help myself.
JOE: Crissy, I never knew you felt this way about me...
CHRIS: Well, she does want to have your babies...
JAMES: ... and drive your car.
JOE: But I don't have a stick shift...

JOE: I've never checked out a train's transmission...
CRISSY: I've checked out its trunk.
JOE: Would that also be its caboose? I've seen some nice cabooses...

CRISSY: Well, you do have feminine properties...
JOE: I have the junk and the trunk, and the rack I guess, so maybe.
JAMES: And he doesn't have the manual.

Note: I really have no idea what date these quotes were said on. I found them written on a napkin in my desk drawer.