A Mighty Wind

JOE: Your wind just took out an empty chip bag! I'm in love! I'm in love with your wind!!!

JOE: Are you blowing?

JOE: Stop the blowin' man!!

JOE: Man you have a loud laugh. I like it. Almost as much as your air... I mean your blow.

KATIE: You're a little slow over there...
JOE: No shit!!
CHRIS: That's not slow, that's constipated...

All About Turkey...

JOE: I got a turkey for $10, and these bananas were only 33 cents a pound!
KATIE: I don't think I'd trust a turkey for $10.
JOE: It's a Butterball. I talked to the turkey. He seems like a good guy.
JAMES: I wouldn't trust a turkey that he talked to...

CHRIS: So, are you enjoying the potassium?
JOE: I feel like an "ooo ooo ah ah" monkey!

JOE: 'Interview with a turkey - So I'm going to be cooking you. What can my family expect from your meat?' ... so I did talk to it, it just never answered back... but it did look like it was smiling the whole time though...

JOE: I don't know... I've never seen a turkey in a soap opera... so maybe if they want more drama, they should hire turkeys...
CHRIS: The Young and the Breastless
JAMES: Maybe The Young and the Boneless... tone it down a bit.
CHRIS: Days of Our Gizzards
JOE: All My Chicken Breasts
JAMES: General Slaughterhouse
CHRIS: The Bold and the Broasted

Who's Your Daddy?

JOE: James is our daddy! He's sitting at the head of the table.
JAMES: I've never heard that before...
JOE: That's alright, you might actually be a dad someday.
KATIE: Yeah, but not yours...
JOE: I can hope!!

JAMES: I had pulled pork for lunch on Monday, and that was a mistake.
JOE: I had lima beans once, and that was a mistake.

JOE: Daddy, can we eat cookies?
JAMES: No.
JOE: You're a bad daddy!
JAMES: You must give them all to me!!! I'm your cookie daddy!!!
...
CRISSY: Did you jsut say you're his cookie daddy? Isn't that the same as a sugar daddy?
JAMES: Only more... because cookies are sooo much more than just sugar!

Broads

CHRIS: Yeah, if I were you, I wouldn't be so self-selecting. I'd keep my options as broad as possible.
JOE: Oh, there's some broads alright!!

JOE: I have a friend with a lap.

Joe's Trip to Chicago

JOE: So she said, "I'm ok with you putting your head in my lap." So I go digging around for it... ... and one of the times I was down there, she got startled and jolted, and I kind of got shoved to the side and the car went out of gear.

Explanation: Joe went to Chicago this past weekend, and on the ride back, he was riding in a car with 2 girls - one, a friend of his (who was driving), and her roommate (who was in the backseat - and is from Mexico and doesn't speak a ton of English). The one who was driving wanted to listen to a CD that was apparently underneath the driver seat. Unable to reach it herself, she had Joe try to get it. Meanwhile, the girl in the backseat decides to take pictures of Joe with his head in the driver's lap. A guy in a car passing them was looking over at them, so Joe lifted his head up, looked at the guy, and then went right back to what he was doing (which I'm sure you can imagine what that looked like...).

EDITORS NOTE:

I just wanted to let you know that I have now incorporated all of the Joe Quotes from the legacy Joe Quotes page into this blog and have back-dated them to the approximate time at which they were said. If you look in the archives, you will see that there are now postings dating back to January 2002, which is when the Joe Quotes phenomenon began.

Enjoy!

The MVP of All Men

CHRIS: I don't think Joe's alone in his own head...
KATIE: Well, yeah, I know that...
JOE: I've got a girl in here with me.
JAMES: What are you two doing in there together?
JOE: We're hanging out... she's teaching me the alphabet... and I'm teaching her how to write in C.

(someone brought up Joe's online "friend", BigTits77)
JOE: It wasn't titties, it was tits... ... I don't want you to try to contact the wrong person.
JAMES: Because we all know I'm desperate for some lovin'.

JOE: All I can say is, lovin' is the last thing on my supply/demand reading. I don't demand it, so why should anyone supply it? I don't buy into the whole Nike "Just Do It" and all that stuff.

JOE: I'm not a schmuck... I'm like the MVP of all men... and it's not player, it's performer... ... ... Well, maybe not all men... Arnold Schwarzenegger might have more "oomph" than I do.

Papa Fabarre's

(Note: The movie in question was "Legally Blond")
KATIE: It's acceptable for me to like that movie... I'm a girl.
JOE: Well, in case you haven't noticed...
KATIE: What? That you're a girl? Yeah, we already knew that...
JOE: Everything but the operation... I'm not going to do that... but I was wearing fake boobs last weekend...

JOE: I'm going to go find the restaurant.
(he was sitting in the restaurant)

JOE: What's a smartass?

Hooligans at Houlihans

JOE: I want these spuds to be my spuds for life!
(Note: he was referring to his mashed potatoes)

JOE: Have you ever been to the bathroom here?
JAMES: No...
JOE: It's amazing!!! You walk in, and it smells like hotel!

JOE: I've had an ocean in my belly... ... maybe it's more like a gastro-intestinal sea...

JOE: They had a song on while I was in the bathroom... and one of the lyrics was "She's just a girl"... and it made me realize that I shouldn't think of girls so highly.

(After Crissy paid for Katie's lunch and James paid for Joe's lunch)
JOE: He (our waiter) probably thinks we're two gay couples. You (James) wear the pants in this relationship, and you (Crissy) wear the pants in that one!

JOE: I blossomed into a bubbling brook... that was Joe.