Horses and girlfriends...

JOE: Hardees has really good breakfast... my dad used to take me there for breakfast... before funerals.

JOE: You should buy one of 'em and ride your horse to work.

ANNA: You get a ticket if your dog shits on the ground. I can't imagine what they'd do if a horse did...
JOE: Put a diaper on your horse!

JOE: You can buy deodorant for your horse!

KATIE: Well aren't you special...
JOE: Only when it's cold.

Note: In high school, Joe had a girlfriend for 9 months - but he never kissed her.
ROD: On purpose?
JOE: No... I don't think I was ever attracted to her.

JOE: Yeah... then I found out that she cheated on me...
KATIE: Joe, how can someone cheat on you if you've never even kissed her? What'd she do, walk down the hall with another boy?

JOE: Now, if you were under the influence... you might be laughing...
JAMES: Under the influence of what?
JOE: Ethanol.

Lunchtime fun

JOE: When I'm in a hot tub, I just wanna be by myself... ... ... I mean, when I'm in a hot tub with other people, I get distracted...

JOE: Friday, I got a phone call... and then I found $5.

CRISSY: When I get drunk, my lips and tongue get all tingly...
JOE: I've been there...
JAMES: On her tongue?

JOE: I poked some people I haven't talked to in a while...

JOE: Well, some things are at my head.

JOE: I love java... not that I don't love you...
CRISSY: I know I'm gonna have your babies and all...