Big Boy - Summer 2002

JOE: Ok... this is a repeat after me song...

JOE: I think I'd wear you out first, Dawn.

NACURH 2002

All said by Joe unless otherwise noted:

I don't wear pants.

Sex is sexier.

The circulation in my butt kinda ended.

Claffing... It's a combination of laughing and crapping...

It's like when you caress someone in just that certain spot...

My coworker had sex while driving.

There'd be leg spreadage-definite, obvious leg spreadage...

The lady jumped up... put one leg here, one leg there, legs open...

Dairy is making me harder... to cough.

I'd be a special spoon... that could eat... and I'd suck all the stuff out of the bowl... before they could even get their thing up...

My middle name is Random... I have a coworker named Random, and Random is a cycle on a dishwasher.

I'm the genie in the bottle...

What's a male exotic dancer?

I wouldn't want a guy with his thing goin' up touchin' me!

Ooooo! I wanna go milk it!!

I'm gonna play with my toy.

Do you wanna see my toy?

Do her first! I wanna watch!

Man, the power of one finger... This is awesome!!

Spring 2002

All said by Joe unless otherwise noted:

Well, sometimes she comes and sleeps with us.

My homework was turning me on.

My popcorn has a roommate button.

I could caress my elbow all day.

Men have breasts... they're just not of the female variety.

Oh man, my feet suck! They cracked... They suck at cracking... I don't know...

All girls come in shapes and sizes.

If I was laughing any harder, I'd be on the ceiling like Mary Poppins.

It's a Mr. Potato Dog!

...hair length and tail sizes...

bee-oligykeelcockus

My feet grow longer when I'm erotic.

I better take the elevator. That way I can hit the number. (to go down one floor)

(breaks into song) I'm a pop man! (clap) I'm a pop man!

You were just one of my buddies that I played with.

Lay some skin on me sista!

I can't think of a joke to counteract your joke. (meaning comeback)

I wear a cup size C3.

That's your hair you're spitting out on my dick.

These are my legs, and I know what to do with them.

I love socks... as much as I love sex...

Stop having sex with that video.

I'm not touching anything promiscuous.

Know anybody I can sleep with Friday night?

Come on bunnies... preach it with me!!!

OH! My name looks good in sparkly colors!

So I'm gonna take this pen's virginity?

I'm sorry for wearing shorts. They keep falling up.

You know the thingy-majigy you gave me... you know, that thing... at that place... you know?

Know any single males?

I go through every post office in the United States, but I'm still single mail.

Annie, speak Lord...

You 'star' her... and she'll 'happify' you...

I'm not hungry... because I'm full...

Now that's static if I've ever had it.

Get the womanage off!!

No girl has ever touched my breasts before... NO! You are NOT touching my breasts!!

No, I'm not into threesomes!! I'm not even into twosomes yet...

Keep the hands within one foot of the breasts.

Oooo... I think there's a boner in your bed... (Annie's bed)

Public hair... that's what they call it, right? Or is it pubic? Public hair is what they called it in Family Life.

All I do is make faces... I'm not a conversationalist.

Mike, you saw the size of my package, right?

I got thrown at by chocolate!!! Wait... no...

I didn't know women had pencils.

I'm playing pool in my pants.

I put splat on your hand.

JOE: I like Michigan girls... they know how to respect a man... They put out...
BRYAN: You mean the cows...?
JOE: Yeah... they give me milk every day.

Wanna play with my head?

What's he gonna show her... his dick?

You guys were crazy last night at the dance... dancin' around me like I was a guy...

I was still interested in going out with her... despite what Jesus said.

I like my nuts doughy...

I have the hots for Bridge too... just to change the subject...

Woah... people were gettin' it on like bunnies in your bed last year...

Hey... I just started thinkin'... ... ... and I just stopped thinkin'...

The Beginning

The concept of "Joe Quotes" began in January, 2002. It was our freshman year of college, and some friends and I (Joe included) were on a trip to Washington DC. Here is where it all began...

JOE: We could meet by that big tall thing... (referring to the Washington Monument)

JOE: Who wrote the Gettysburg Address? (after reading it off the wall in the Lincoln Memorial)